Funny Phone Conversations

Yesterday at work, Karen had a wonderful phone conversation with a woman inquiring about soup. Here it is (some details added for my amusement).

Karen: Thank you for calling XXXXXXXXXXX, this is Karen speaking, how may I help you?
Lady: I would like to order soup. What size containers do yinz have?
Karen: We have eight ounce cups, twelve ounce bowls, sixteen ounce pints, and thirty-two ounce quarts.
Lady: (becoming annoyed) Well that does not help me, how big is a quart??
Karen: Thirty-two ounces, four cups of soup.
Lady: (yelling) You are not helping me, I need to know how many people this will feed. Why can’t you just tell me how much soup I am getting???

Ways Karen could have responded (these would most likely have gotten her fired):
1. Well ma’am, are you really fat? If so, you may suck down a quart of soup with no problem.
2. I would say you are getting around 195 medium sized spoonfuls.
3. Do you know the Dollar Family that comes in here? Well the Father usually eats about 7 cups of soup, how do you compare with him?
4. I’m sorry ma’am that my use of numbers has frightened you. Let me put it in this perspective, you are getting about as much soup as you get oil in your car or in some cases as much semen as an elephant ejaculates.
5. (Using hand gestures to show how large the container is) It’s about this much. Oh wait, you do not have a video phone, damn savages.
6. Why don’t you just wait until you get here, look at the different size containers, and judge for yourself. I don’t even know you, I don’t know how much you or your family can eat. A quart of soup feeds a whole tribe in Ethiopia, unless it is the Italian Wedding, which no one in the world likes, but anyways, I digress.
7. Wait, what was your question again?
8. What kind of burger did you want?
9. Me no speaka English lady.

Let me know if you have any good suggestions of things Karen could have said to the moronic lady on the phone.

9 thoughts on “Funny Phone Conversations

  1. I too am curious as to what she actually said. Also, is she wearing a towel in that picture? If so why am I not surprised? Anyways here is the response that should have been given: I’m sorry ma’am, but apparently my inability to speak proper english or use proper weight and measures has sent you into a furious frenzy about soup as if I am some sort of soup nazi. If it would make it easier on you, I can go kill myself now over this whole ordeal, since you have put an entirely whole mental breakdown to come on my shoulders. Thank you for ending my miserable life, and I suggest you call in five minutes to get another poor soul to try to help with your dilemma. Oh merciful God, TAKE ME HOME! *fake gargle/choking sounds then hang up*

  2. Ermm..
    she could have said..
    A normal serving is a cup of soup a quart should feed 4 people..

    Not funny , but what the hell..
    I would have said excuse me maa’m ?
    Fuck you..
    and hung up

  3. i told her that it was four cups, or a little more than two bowls. She responded by asking if two quarts would be enough, and i said yes (i had no idea how many people she was trying to feed and wanted to get off the phone) She then said “you know soup comes with crackers, so put those in the bag too…” since she pissed me off i hung up, told josh my story and never got her the soup. when her husband showed up to pick it up i guess he also just asked for some soup to go, so kenny went to get him one quart of soup, since apparantly he also couldnt comprehend container sizes and decide how much he needed (his wife called when he was on his way there so he didnt know how much he was supposed to pick up) i told kenny to give him 2 quarts instead so there wasn’t a repeat of my phone call. The end.

    Our chicken noodle soup isnt that good… they could have just made a can of soup at home

  4. There you guys have it, from Karen herself. The real ending to this soup mystery.

    I still would have went with the elephant semen comment.

  5. i can teach them to make a very worthwhile tomato soup.

    the responses from everyone seem predictable, so i imagine mine would be as well.

    i’d ask her how many people she wanted to feed. but i’d be technical and degrading. and when she told me how many people she wanted to feed, i’d ask if they were big eaters, then i’d inform her that since everybody lies, i’d buy extra, just to be safe…because you know someone is hiding an inability to control themselves. then i might suggest that if she’s having guests, spring for a real meal, because when the dead kennedy’s suggested that “soup is good food” they were being sarcastic, and suggesting that soup kitchens to feed poor people were half hearted feel good gestures, in other words, pure bs.

    granted, i’m poor. and that means soup is a real meal. so i’d just say thank you, but i’m sure her pretentious guests would not be so forgiving.

    or maybe i’d have used the metric system instead…and claimed that i thought she was european, or a canadian. or is it canadien? damned hockey clubs…

    the three benefits of that job were 1) learning to lie sincerely, 2) learning how to cook some, then expanding from there, and 3) learning how to be condescending and hide it. maybe i could already do 1 and 3 convincingly, who knows.

    ok. i’m arriving by train at 9:49 am in altoona on monday. then friday night i have to go to philly to meet with dave trevaskis and then to present a paper i wrote to his class. then saturday i’ll probably visit trav, then sunday at 5 pm i come back here til may 3rd, just in time for spider-man 3…

  6. I love that my blog is like craigslist for my friends.

    Hopefully no pro baseball players start looking for sex on here, well unless some of you ladies want that.

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