I rarely write much about my personal life, but today I feel like I should. Lately I have been feeling rather, not depressed, but pretty down. My life seems like it is stuck. I blame it on a variety of things, but really I know the problem. Kacie.
I am still in love with her. When we first broke up, let me back up. The reason she broke up with me is that she found out that I cheated on her. Now, both times I cheated on her were before a very crucial moment in our relationship. After that “moment” I fell completely in love. Yeah, I know, it sounds gay.
At first, I took it pretty lightly, mostly because I figured she would come around and take me back. Then because of work, I had to basically push it out of my mind. After awhile, I had a routine and things were okay. She was not okay though, she would call me crying and depressed. After awhile I went up to visit her. We went out, had dinner, got drinks. Everything was like old times.
After a month or so, the phone calls started to dwindle, and when I went home, she and I could never seem to get together. Then she tells me that she is seeing someone. She has a boyfriend. It blows my mind. I say all the nice things, like “well I am happy for you…” And at first, I was happy for her. Then I started to realize what I lost. So now, for the time, I feel the effects of our breakup. I get sad, I get angry, I cry myself to sleep (I am such a loser for admitting that)…
I have tried to start dating again. I took a girl out a few times, and who knows where it is going. She stayed over night and we slept together (nothing sexual), when I woke up, my arm was around her and the first thing I thought to myself: Kacie. When I realized she was not Kacie, I became quite sad.
I do not know how long it will take me to get over the girl I love. But, until that time comes, I foresee a long road of darkness ahead of me.