A Little About Me

I rarely write much about my personal life, but today I feel like I should. Lately I have been feeling rather, not depressed, but pretty down. My life seems like it is stuck. I blame it on a variety of things, but really I know the problem. Kacie.

I am still in love with her. When we first broke up, let me back up. The reason she broke up with me is that she found out that I cheated on her. Now, both times I cheated on her were before a very crucial moment in our relationship. After that “moment” I fell completely in love. Yeah, I know, it sounds gay.

At first, I took it pretty lightly, mostly because I figured she would come around and take me back. Then because of work, I had to basically push it out of my mind. After awhile, I had a routine and things were okay. She was not okay though, she would call me crying and depressed. After awhile I went up to visit her. We went out, had dinner, got drinks. Everything was like old times.

After a month or so, the phone calls started to dwindle, and when I went home, she and I could never seem to get together. Then she tells me that she is seeing someone. She has a boyfriend. It blows my mind. I say all the nice things, like “well I am happy for you…” And at first, I was happy for her. Then I started to realize what I lost. So now, for the time, I feel the effects of our breakup. I get sad, I get angry, I cry myself to sleep (I am such a loser for admitting that)…

I have tried to start dating again. I took a girl out a few times, and who knows where it is going. She stayed over night and we slept together (nothing sexual), when I woke up, my arm was around her and the first thing I thought to myself: Kacie. When I realized she was not Kacie, I became quite sad.

I do not know how long it will take me to get over the girl I love. But, until that time comes, I foresee a long road of darkness ahead of me.

9 thoughts on “A Little About Me

  1. Hey man,
    You aren’t a loser for admitting to emotions, maybe less of a man, but definitely not a loser. Hell, I can’t remember the last time that I was actually feeling pretty alright about my life. But hey, enough about me, or something. I’m kinda always glad when I hear this side of you. It’s the part I liked the most well that and the poker.

    I just wish you weren’t feeling down. I hope things get better. Call me the next time you are in state

  2. Adam’s right. you are not a loser. You are a real person with real feelings. It will take time but you will heal. You may never get over Kacie the way you want but you will move on and you will fall in love again, maybe even stronger the next time. I know how you feel, losing a love is hard but you do heal and I know from experience the 2nd time around can be much better. It seems to me Kacie was giving you false hope after your break up.Wanting you to come to SC to see her and then at the last moment she couldn’t meet with you because she had school work or something else going on (namely a boyfriend). I’m thinking she’s been playing games with you and that her love for you was not that strong if she has moved on with someone else already.I am thinking she wanted to hurt you the way you hurt her. She never even tried to forgive you for what you did, maybe it was an excuse for her to move on with someone she was already seeing. If she truly loved you she could have forgiven you, I know because i have been there too and it can work and your life can be better and your love stronger than ever.I think Kacie is afraid of true commitment which probably stems from her parents, which I do not need to comment on since you know the history. You will find someone, you will be happy again, hang in there, you are a terrific person and the right person will come along. When you feel down talk to your family or your true friends, that’s why we are here.

  3. adam…thanks man. sorry i couldn’t hang out the last time you were down here for servesafe.

    anonymous…I am going to have to disagree with you. I know you think you understand the entire situation, but you really do not.

    This is the reason why I try to avoid writing about my life and emotions. This was written as my realization on the thing I have lost. I did not write this to bash Kacie, or to have other’s try to read into what happened.

    I do not feel like going into depth about how dead wrong you are on almost each point. Instead I will just say that I am obviously not perfect. I am the instrument of my own demise.

    And do not worry, I am not sitting here in my pajama’s tying a noose…

  4. anonymous, you are wrong. josh is someone i continue to cherish every day. i would never ever be that manipulative and negative twords him. I loved him with my whole heart, and still do. i tried moving on, it hasent worked. for anyone to think that of me clearly dosent know who i am.i did have a paper, it took a lot longer than i thought, but no i dont make bull shit excuses when it comes to him. he knows how much i wanted to see him, and still do. i dont think you understand anything about our relationship. I will always and forever think of josh as my best friend, and who knows what happens in the future, but i know right now this time is for us to figure out who we are, and i hope to god that we are able to try again some time.

  5. Before this turns into another personal battle between people on my blog (Crazy Cults post), I will stop this now.

    Comments should really only be about what was written….

  6. Sorry if I upset anyone, that was not my intention. I have seen you two together and I think you are a terrific couple.I just wish Kacie would give you another chance, I know you would do right by her Josh. You two belong together.Good Luck Guys!!!

  7. Kacie,

    Give Josh another chance. After everything that has happened I know he would treat you like an angel for the rest of his life.

    Sign me
    Someone who has seen you 2 together

  8. I don’t think Kacie should take you back. You didn’t feel any guilt after cheating the first time or you wouldn’t have done it again. I think you only want her back because she’s seeing someone else. Kacie deserves better.

  9. Well, I hate to say this, but Anonymous has a point…oh which one? By point, I mean, I am convinced it is time to get rid of the anonymous feature. If you want to post a comment, sign in.

Comments are closed.