Mugshots: Revenge of the Craziness

It seems that I failed to mention, or make fun of, certain people at the wonderful establishment known as Mugshots. Before I go into some of the weirder aspects, let me touch upon a few of the good things.

The Bartenders
As I said, they are all attractive, but this Trio of Beer Slinging has many more fantastic qualities. They are intelligent, funny, silly, and usually highly annoyed by the crazy folks who come in.

Also, if you are in the area and want to be entertained then ask Jen to see the Galloping Pony. One of the reasons she is the Greatest Bartender Ever (GBE). Without further adieu, let us get on with the fun.

StrawBoy
I have multiple stories about Chris, but I need to start with why I call him StrawBoy. He drinks his beer with a straw, which I have to say is very gay. This would be fitting for some small dude who may be a bit effeminate, but Chris is not of that ilk. He happens to be a somewhat larger black man, and as Steve points out, he loses any street cred for drinking with a straw.

He also happens to be a Patriots fan. All season long he talked about how they were going to win the Super Bowl. The week of the big game he tells Steve and I that he will win a very large sum of money if the Pats win. When we inquire how much, he says enough to buy a $100,000 home, which he already put the down payment on because he was that sure of the Patriots (oops).

This obviously sounds like bullshit (he is a cook at Bob Evans), so Steve calls him out on it. Asks if Chris will take us up and give us a tour of the place. Chris keeps saying it is too far and that some other time, but Steve will not let it go, which then causes Chris to ask a very weird question: “Can you take off your hat?” Steve does, and Chris makes some odd comment and walks away. The only thing we can think is that Chris assumes Steve is a skinhead? I guess a white guy cannot have a shaved head without being considered a Nazi, which sucks for Steve because he is going bald.

Later that week, Chris runs his mouth some more and ends up getting his ass kicked. He has not come back in since then and his girlfriend says it is because he is embarrassed about causing a fight. I think it is because he does not have that 100K mansion up on the hill…or maybe Mugshots ran out of straws, we will never know.

A Pimp Named Slickback
Tony Tony Tony, or however this weird guy wants to spell it, comes to karaoke night with his own microphone headset. You would think he would be fantastic, but he is very average to say the least. Also, he dresses like a pimp, in fact he reminds me of A Pimp Named Slickback from Boondocks.

His girlfriend, Miranda, dresses in all black, usually some kind of weird leather/lace combination, which might be attractive if she were not some kind of half-vampire, half-hooker.

The Creeper
I was not there for this guy, but Jen immediately told me the story when I came in after work one night. This guy tells Jen that she is attractive and then asks if she would date a 38 year old, which Jen says that is too old for her.

He continues to make weird comments about how beautiful she is and whatnot. Then orders some beer to go and says to Jen “I am going to put your picture on my cantaloupe tonight when I am in bed.” WTF?? Who says that? Who in their right mind would ever say that to a girl? I can see making a joke amongst friends, or even saying that to some bar skank you do not know in order to scare her away, but to say that to the bartender, of an establishment you may want to return to…unacceptable.

The Stupids
These are just people who say dumb things and prove that there is no god because if there were a god he would have smote these pathetic individuals long ago.

-OldFatFuck: This guy gets pissed off because Jen gives him an IC Light in a plastic special, which is on special for $2. He does not believe the cup is 16 oz. Jen assures him that it is, but he will hear nothing of it. He demands a mug and proceeds to pour the beer into the mug. It clearly holds 16 oz. and his half assed pour causes the beer to foam up and spill on the bar. Jen wipes it up and even refills the mug for him because she is a nice bartender (GBE).

He continues to complain about how he does not believe it and orders another beer. Obviously Jen used some sort of alchemy to make the smaller cup fit into the vastly larger mug. Everyone knows that bartenders are also practitioners of the black magiks.

I would let this go, but after his third beer, he leaves and only tips her $.65. It may be a little over 10%, but after making a fool of himself, spilling beer, calling her a liar, well I would have tipped a bit more.

-Cheapskates: These are the people who complain about Danny’s (the manager) prices and specials. Especially the “if you are seated at the bar and a Pirate hits a home run, a 12 oz. draft is a penny.” He also does the same thing for Sydney Crosby goals during the playoffs. People say shit like “what a cheap prick, only giving us a 12 oz. beer.” It is pretty much free, just say thank you.

Also, the people who act like it’s the bartenders fault for the prices. These are the same people who like to leave change as a tip. Fuck those people.

-Race Fans: I will go easy on this group because the lovely Lisa is part of this, but I do not think she would be as big of a dick as this guy was the other night. I walk in and find a seat at the bar so I could watch the Pirates game. I get settled in and anyone can tell I am very into the game. This guy beside me calls Jen over and asks if she can turn the TV to the race. The TV I am watching, not the one beside it, not the big screen. The only other TV I could really see from that angle was the corner one above the door. I then laugh and ask Jen to turn that TV to the Pirates game, which forces me to turn and face the guy the entire game.

On a very glorious note, my cigar smoke blew in his face the rest of the game and his stupid race was delayed because it was on Fox, and the Yankees/Red Sox game had a rain delay, which caused Fox to miss the beginning of the race. That dickwad eventually left as the race was starting. I smiled.

Okay, that’s about it for now. Hopefully I can get some pictures, at least of the bartenders, help spice things up a bit.

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