I seriously think about starting another blog solely about my adventures at Mugshots. This third installment only looks at a comment a crazy man named George made to Jen the other night. She was sweet enough to write it down for me, so she would not forget it.
“I would carve you half-naked in marble and put you by my pond just like the Romans would.”
Aside from the fact that it’s extremely creepy to say something like this to a young lady, let us examine the absolutely absurdity of this statement.
1. I would carve you: This implies the gentleman has some skills as a sculptor. Somehow I doubt this. I am somewhat impressed that he was able to put together a complete sentence, but carve anything? Probably not going to happen.
2. half-naked: Why half-naked? Which half? Topless? Bottomless? Left vs. right? Does that mean Jen is only half good looking? I want to know the rationale here, does he carve her wearing a toga that leaves a breast exposed?
3. in marble: He has a slab of marble lying around his house just waiting to be carved into a half naked Jen. Somehow I doubt that one.
4. put you by my pond: Yes, I believe he has a pond about as much as I believe he has a slab of marble or any sculpting skills. I live in Crafton, I do not see many ponds around here.
5. just like the Romans would: I studied ancient civilizations, mostly Near Eastern, but I did take a few classes on the Roman Republic and Empire. I do not remember during any of my classes a professor saying “and Romans put half-naked statues of hot bartenders by their ponds.” I just cannot remember that for the life of me.
Is this what he has in mind?