Vacation Results

Is it even possible to explain how awesome of a time we had on the cruise? Not remotely. Mostly because I drank enough to kill billions of brain cells and barely can remember my name…I will try though.

Arrive in Tampa
We started drinking the first hour we were in Tampa. At my stepdad’s sister’s house around 4 o’clock. People started showing up around 7 or 8, and pretty soon it was a party. As people started to leave, I convinced John to take Gideon and I to a bar, for maybe some pool and darts.

After a few beers and shots there we came back and I passed out on the chair. This would not be the only time…

Ship Time
The next day we get on the ship and we all meet up on the main deck and begin drinking. Around six we head to dinner and then back to the rooms to head on out. I do not think I ever stopped drinking during that time. I found the place I could smoke and went in there to drink, where I was talking about gambling to a guy named Bill.

Bill wanted to gamble, but wanted to get away from his 18 year old daughter. He decides that I would be best suited to watch her, buys she and I a drink and then leaves us alone. She was pretty cute, which worked out, plus it was a free drink…

Later, I met back up with the group and we were taking funny pictures of us dressed in sombreros, when a nice couple offers us drinks if they can take a picture with us because we seemed to be having such a great time. Obviously, I do not turn down a free drink, ever. Those of you familiar with Hammerjacks know that I took a free shot from the only gay guy in Bellwood because I beat him at pool.

After being at a few different bars and probably being split up from the group, I tried to head back to my room. Well that did not work out so well and I passed out in front of the elevator. Two girls and a guy from the group found me and carried me back to the room.

Day Two
The next day I know Gideon and I both slept really late then pretty much just hung out on the deck. I started drinking shortly afterward when I ran into my mom and she bought me a beer. We definitely went up and hit some golf balls at the driving range and just went around exploring the ship.

Later we went to the Captain’s dinner and prior to that we had a cocktail party where we got free booze. You can see where this is going right? Honestly, I do not remember much from that entire night. I know everyone went to bed somewhat early, like 2 or 3 because we had to be up to go to Cozumel.

Cozumel
So, the night before my mom told me like 300 times to make sure I was up early. She even said she would stop by at 7:30 to make sure we were up. We set a wakeup call, but it never came. We both woke up early though for some reason. On the way out of the ship, I am telling John about my mom not waking us up and did not realize he was video taping the entire thing. Needless to say I may have called her a bitch, and then apologized about it. I swear mom, that never happened, John added that in there later.

Once in Mexico, we got some food, then went to rent some Jeeps. Well our group got a VW Beatle. Not the new ones, like a 1967 Bug. Very nice car. John drove us around the island a bit and we stopped at a little bar on the beach for lunch and a few beers.

We then headed to Senor Frogs, where I drank a good amount of beer. Later Gideon and I went down to Carlos & Charlies to see what the rest of the group was doing, and discovered they too were drinking and dancing. Gideon and I danced with the older ladies in my family for a bit, then went back to Frogs.

We left there and found my mom and everybody, who were buying trinkets. Gideon bought a nice dragon and we soon found ourselves by the ship and right by a bar! We drank some more before getting back on the ship.

Back on the ship Gideon did a little gambling then it was time for dinner. That night I almost missed dinner because I was standing by a little massage table that was set up and some girl asked how much for a massage. I told her that it would be on the house and she hopped up there and let me feel her up…

I made it to dinner late, but still got some food. We went out to a few bars and then I went back to the room to take a nap. Well that nap lasted all night.

Day Four
This was the worst day, I woke up and the boat was very rocky and I felt sick all damn day. It was also very wind and cold up on the deck. I will not lie, most of the morning and afternoon I was pretty miserable.

At 4:00 we went to watch the Steeler game and also receive free drinks from the one place. After a few beers my stomach felt a good bit better, and I started firing back the beers at a more rapid pace. Unfortunately we missed dinner due to the game.

After the game I went and played Hold ‘Em for a bit with Gideon, then lost money and went to have a smoke. While inside I saw John watching the Redskins game. After they lost he and I got a drink, I think a Long Island and headed down to the rooms to see where everyone was heading to. Once there we refilled our drinks and headed out to the club. Where we got drunk and I did a little dancing. Well you know, my dancing is very bad, but whatever, I was drunk.

Later that night we went somewhere and got pizza and went back to the rooms. The next day I woke up very hungover and got off the boat. Honestly, there was probably so much more that happened. Very funny stuff that I cannot explain on here, such as “Where does the cap go?” Instead I will just tell everyone that I will go again next year, and I think everyone should go as well.