As most of you are probably aware, Alex Rodriguez has been outed as a steroid user. The great hope against Barry Bonds has been found just as guilty and just as evil. It makes me want to cry. I never thought in a million years that he would do steroids. However, he can still save himself, and here is how:
What To Do A-Rod!
1. Hold a press conference. Do not have your agent or a PR person issue a statement.
2. Apologize. Be sincere, tell America that you made a mistake.
3. Promise to never do it again. And by promise, I mean, issue a challenge to MLB. Say that you will be willing to be tested everyday to prove that you are clean.
4. While being tested everyday, have a fantastic season. .300, 35-40 HRs, 100 RBIs.
5. Do not mention during the press conference that the test samples were obtained illegally, and violated the deal between MLB and the Players Union. That just makes you sound more guilty.
6. Do not say that your trainer gave them to you and you had no idea what they were. Take the blame, people will be more forgiving.
7. Make a sizable donation to some charity, something like DARE, or another kids anti-drug campaign. When I say sizable, I do not mean $1 million, I mean like a year’s salary. You can afford it.
8. Lead the Yankees to the World Series. Hit above .400 in the post-season, maybe break the record for HRs. Have some amazing defensive play. Seriously, if you bring the WS back to NYC, Yankees fans will be quick to forgive you.
Okay A-Rod, if you need any help with this, just give me a call or drop me an email. I only require a small fee to help you out.
What Happens Next?
Moving away from A-Rod, the question is, what happens next? Apparently there were 104 names on the list of positive tests. Who will be the next big name to be leaked out? Why did MLB not destroy these names or these samples? Once they had their data and decided that drug testing needed to be put in place, they should have done something to make sure these names stayed anonymous. I am not saying that it excuses any players who used steroids, but they agreed to be tested because they felt there would be no repercussions.
Anyways, I just wanted to get all that off my chest. I must go cry now.