A Very Sad Day

As most of you are probably aware, Alex Rodriguez has been outed as a steroid user. The great hope against Barry Bonds has been found just as guilty and just as evil. It makes me want to cry. I never thought in a million years that he would do steroids. However, he can still save himself, and here is how:

What To Do A-Rod!
1. Hold a press conference. Do not have your agent or a PR person issue a statement.
2. Apologize. Be sincere, tell America that you made a mistake.
3. Promise to never do it again. And by promise, I mean, issue a challenge to MLB. Say that you will be willing to be tested everyday to prove that you are clean.
4. While being tested everyday, have a fantastic season. .300, 35-40 HRs, 100 RBIs.
5. Do not mention during the press conference that the test samples were obtained illegally, and violated the deal between MLB and the Players Union. That just makes you sound more guilty.
6. Do not say that your trainer gave them to you and you had no idea what they were. Take the blame, people will be more forgiving.
7. Make a sizable donation to some charity, something like DARE, or another kids anti-drug campaign. When I say sizable, I do not mean $1 million, I mean like a year’s salary. You can afford it.
8. Lead the Yankees to the World Series. Hit above .400 in the post-season, maybe break the record for HRs. Have some amazing defensive play. Seriously, if you bring the WS back to NYC, Yankees fans will be quick to forgive you.

Okay A-Rod, if you need any help with this, just give me a call or drop me an email. I only require a small fee to help you out.

What Happens Next?
Moving away from A-Rod, the question is, what happens next? Apparently there were 104 names on the list of positive tests. Who will be the next big name to be leaked out? Why did MLB not destroy these names or these samples? Once they had their data and decided that drug testing needed to be put in place, they should have done something to make sure these names stayed anonymous. I am not saying that it excuses any players who used steroids, but they agreed to be tested because they felt there would be no repercussions.

Anyways, I just wanted to get all that off my chest. I must go cry now.

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13 thoughts on “A Very Sad Day

  1. I love Barry Bonds with all of my heart, and got so tired of hearing everyone put A-Rod on a pedestal. “Soon A-Rod will swoop in and save us from Satan by bringing the Home Run record back to the side of good!”

    I could not have been happier when I saw this news.

    That said, I’m a proponent of controlled (doctor prescribed and monitored) steroid use for professional athletes, so I’d rather none of them have to hang their heads.

    Please don’t cry too hard, buddy. A-Rod will have all the support Madonna’s 50-year-old giner can provide.

  2. Like Daniel Tosh says “I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create. Anything that will make run faster, jump higher. I have High Definition TV, I want my athletes like my video games, let’s go!”

  3. I agree with Jason. I agree with Tosh statement. I am very disappointed as well with A-Rod, and I agree with you, it borderline made me want to cry. I thought there was still one legit baseball hero. Oh well. I talked this over with a couple of buddies and they were like “so what? who didn’t see this coming?” I just shook my head at their ignorance. A-Rod was starting to make statistics matter in the game of baseball again, and now to put a boil blemish on his career is just…shattering.

    If you read an article with curt schilling’s opinion on espn, he thinks they should turn in all 104 names, not just leak a-rods. I agree. Get it out in the open and over with.

  4. Kern…for once we are complete agreement. I would like to see all the names, but I wonder who else would be on there? Pujols? Manny? Jeter (haha)…the beauty is, baseball will get through it. It’s now up to guys like Zimmerman, Wright, Longoria (all 3B, odd), the Uptons, H-Ram, etc…to just go out and play ball, win games, not set records, just be great.

  5. I doubt the union would be at all happy if the rest of the names were released. If A-Rod has an awesome season, and passes all his drug tests, he will have to thank me for setting up such an easy path…

  6. Yankees should cut him. If every player that was on steroids got banned from baseball, the Pirates players don’t look so bad. Well, unless they too are on them. If so, that would be very, very sad.

  7. they players union should be filing a grievance. and someone should be suing MLB. further, how do you not design this test so it is actually anonymous. i had to do that stuff in law school, its not that hard.

    releasing this information was wholly inappropriate and in violation of an agreement between the players and the union.

    i really don’t care if they use steriods, to be honest. its still hard to hit the ball, and hit it well. steriods doesn’t help with that. and you can be the biggest guy and still not hit homeruns if you have poor technique.

    has this ruined baseball? no. but the economy might.

  8. Yeah, the tests should have been absolutely anonymous, if that was the deal. Have you heard how they did it? The labeled the samples with a numeric code, sent the samples to a facility in Nevada and the coded names to a place in New York. But, why have the names at all? They should have been destroyed. You have the samples you wanted, you could easily find out the % of players on something.

    The economy will not ruin baseball. People like nobodyaskedmebut will…

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