My brother recently did one of those Facebook notes where you do random facts about yourself. With his permission, I am copying his original and my responses, for all of your enjoyment.
1. I’m a Denver Broncos fan. Stop asking me why I like them and not the Pittsburgh Steelers. I do, however, like the Pittsburgh Penguins… not sure why. Get past it.
2. I think growing up is depressing. I hate that I see my friends less… and less… and less.
3. I’m really into movies, but I haven’t seen them all. I hate when I get, “YOU’VE never seen (insert movie title here)?!?!?!” That’s really annoying. It also annoys me that I used to go see like 2 movies every week, and now I only go see like 1 a month.
4. I don’t like coffee or any kind of tea. Stop offering.
5. I don’t really like when girls call me Croyle.
6. I love everything about the beach. I wish I could go on a beach trip once a month.
7. Bars are a hundred times better than clubs. I have a pie chart that proves it.
8. I drink light beer and I couldn’t care less if you think “light beer’s for bitches”. And if you also drink light beer, but it’s not the same kind I drink, don’t talk smack. That’s just dumb.
9. I like the Spanish language. That’s why I took 4 years in high school. And even though I look somewhat Hispanic, I’m not, and I don’t speak fluent Spanish. Stop asking me any time you hear or see something in Spanish if I know what it means.
10. I spend way too much time on IMDb (Internet Movie Database for those of you who don’t know) looking up really obscure things.
11. I don’t understand why so many people find it strange that I live in Philipsburg but in an apartment and not at home with my parents. What I wanna know: how are so many people in their mid-to-late twenties keeping their sanity still living at home with their parents?
12. I hate writing in pen. I’d much rather use a pencil.
13. I love peanut butter, but I’m not a big fan of peanuts.
14. I could live on junk food (preferably anything from Little Debbie).
15. I have a really hard time following the news or politics.
16. I’m not an animal lover, so don’t be offended when I don’t drop to my knees and let your dog lick my face.
17. Hunting sucks. I have a pie chart that proves this as well.
18. I’m stealing this one directly from Lindsey: “I’m no grammar expert but it absolutely makes me cringe when people misuse they’re, there, their, your, you’re, and to, too, and two. Aghhh.” To add to what she said, I hate when people type “What are you up too?” YOU ONLY NEED ONE ‘O’. This has annoyed me for years.
19. I’m an extremely regretful person. And I hate hearing people say that they have no regrets in life… for 2 reasons. 1) The “in life” part is redundant, and 2) It’s impossible to not have ANY regrets. (for example, everyone has eaten at a Chinese buffet and regretted having that last plate about 20 minutes later).
20. I hate meatheads and tools.
21. I’m a night person… big time. I hate mornings. I hate alarm clocks. I hate hearing birds sing in the morning. I hate morning frost/dew. I hate coffee. I’m not a big fan of sunrises. Hell, I don’t even like hearing people say, “Good morning.” And stop telling me that sleeping in is “a waste of the day”.
22. Ladies, bangs are not attractive. They never were. They never will be.
23. I hate shaving. If you have a problem with facial hair, I’m not the man for you. Maybe you should find yourself a nice 11-year-old… or Jon Cook.
24. People in central Pennsylvania complain too much about the weather. In the winter, “It’s so damn cold outside. I should just move down South.” In the summer, “It’s so damn hot outside. Ya can’t do anything out in that humidity!” Please stop.
25. When I get drunk, you don’t hafta tell me the next day. I can usually figure it out. In fact, when I drink, getting drunk is usually my goal.
26. Why is there an obligation to talk to people from your hometown when you run into one another away from home even though you wouldn’t talk if you ran into one another in your hometown? I worded that very awkwardly. I apologize. I think you know what I’m trying to say, though.
27. It’s sexy when girls have their nose pierced. And I’m pretty sure all guys are in agreement with this.
The real question is, are you a Golden State Warriors fan?
Growing up is not depressing, but getting close to 30 is really depressing.
WAIT, you have never seen Cube Zero!??
I just made a pot of coffee, would you like some, then maybe some iced tea?
What about gay guys? Can they call you Croyle?
England has beaches Avi…
I find that a club is much more useful to beat someone to death with. A bar just does not have the right swing to skull crush ratio to satisfy me. Oh wait, we are not talking about murder weapons. Damn. I agree then, clubs suck. Unless its the Slovak Club.
Keystone Lite sucks, Miller Lite all the way! (I sometimes drink IC Lite, it’s made from the piss of Mean Joe…I hope that’s not really true).
How do you say “where are the $3 hookers? I would like to see a donkey show.”
How tall is Michael Cera?
Why don’t you live with dad? that would be a rockin’ good time.
I prefer writing with Crosby instead of Cross. Get it? One is a Penguin, the other is a brand of pen…yeah, it was the only thing I could come up with.
I love french toast, but I hate the french.
Just get all your news and political information from Bill Mahr.
I agree with this one. I find that I am more of an animal hater. Don’t get mad when I punt your cat into the next room.
No, being out in the woods when it is freezing cold sucks. Hunting would be cool if it was in the summer. And instead of deer, you could shoot something cool. Like a woodpecker…
Your being way to judgmental on peoples grammar. Their just not that smart and need too be gived brakes.
I regret deciding to comment on every single on of these.
Yeah, when I see a guy with a pound of salami on his head, I get pissed. Also, screw saws.
I am more of a mid afternoon to some point around dusk person.
Also, braiding your leg hair is extremely unattractive. That is directed towards the ladies, my braided leg hair is sexy.
But I love shaving my…nevermind.
Everyone who complains about summer should be executed. I cry when it drops below 60.
Dude, you were so drunk last night! Do you remember swing from the chandelier? No, we left the bar and went to the Yacht Club in Phoenix. You don’t remember that? Let me tell you what else you did. You definitely dropped your pants in the middle of the street and took a dump in a trash can. You made such an ass of yourself…
I understand exactly. You should watch where you are going. Running into people is rude.
Especially if they have it pierced with a giant meteor rock.
hahaha, wow that was an amazing response… if i do a 27 f-ffayt part 2, #1 will be, “i’m a big smart-ass, but my older brother, josh, is an even bigger smart-ass”…
but to respond to a few of those…
no, i haven’t seen cube zero
michael cera is 5’10”
living with dad would give me lung cancer or emphysema
i pretty much do get my news and politics from bill maher
i laughed hysterically when you said you’re an animal hater and that you punt cats
hunting woodpeckers is overrated, and pap croyle doesn’t appreciate that… i would know
“Your being way to judgmental on peoples grammar. Their just not that smart and need too be gived brakes.” -> i hate you
i regret commenting on your comments
It’s not that any of you really care about any of this, but this occupied a large part of my night, and made me laugh for a good long bit.