Bear Vs. Yaris

Last night I was driving home from work and something horrible happened. I was coming up the mountain from Altoona (route 350 for those of you in the area) and a bear cub came running across the road. I slammed on the brakes and tried to cut the wheel to the right, unfortunately that was the worst mistake ever.

The mother bear charged my Yaris and collided with the driver’s side door causing me to spin even more and land into a tree. To make matters worse, I did very little damage to the bear.

The bear came to the hood of my car and started bashing down. Have you ever heard a bear bark or roar? Pretty damn scary, let me just say. The bear then climbed up onto the hood and started clawing at the roof. The reign of blows upon the roof caused my windshield to break, which then gave the bear some easy access to yours truly.

I climbed into the backseat and the bear stuck it’s massive head into the windshield area. I tried to kick it in the face, but that did not really work out so well. She clawed the hell out of my leg.

I began to get excited when I saw the headlights of a truck, who stopped a few hundred yards away and came out with some flares. This did not scare the bear though, who decided that taking a chunk out of my shoulder was the best option.

At this point I figured I was dead. I had nowhere to go, no one to really help me. I mean the guy waving flares and yelling at the bear was doing absolutely no good. Then I hear gunshots and the bear collapses. Lucky for me, a state trooper was driving by and saw the flares, and could see what was happening.

So now my car is destroyed, my leg is hurting, I am missing part of my shoulder, and I still have to head to work later today. Talk about a crappy start of the week…

Absolutely no part of this story is true. In fact that car is not even my car. Although, can you imagine how scary it would be getting attacked by a bear while stuck in a Toyota Yaris?

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8 thoughts on “Bear Vs. Yaris

  1. Haha, yes I am quite a bastard…kind of like the Uncle Carl thing, only this time I made sure to put up a disclaimer…didn’t want any fruit baskets or anything…

  2. shellie…sorry, i would rather have muffins anyways

    the general…i believe it’s the 4 door model, not the cool peanut m&m version i have

  3. I have to post some of the comments from Facebook about this post, quite amusing…

    Mallory Whitford at 7:03pm June 30
    dick move. i was worried for a minute, joshy poo!

    Kathleen Cummins at 11:02pm June 30
    well shit. If i saw you driving a Yaris I’d maul your ass too.

    Josh Croyle at 2:31am July 1
    Mallory…no you were not! you were rooting for the bear

    Kathleen…i’d let you maul me baby

    Heidi Metzler Croyle at 4:31pm July 1
    I hope you’re happy – You’re Gram called Shawn ALL WORKED up this morning! Apparently she doesn’t read the small print. I was hysterical!

    Sandy Corrigan at 8:10pm July 1
    When i read it i didn’t see the small print–reminded me why we used to call you the noid!

  4. great story! If i didn’t read the fine print I was going to call you in like a week to a month to make sure your shoulder grew back.

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