God Loves Traffic Jams

I pass a church every day on my way to work.  This church loves to put up stupid little quotes on its marquee, which usually make me laugh at the idiocy of religious folks.  Today’s was especially good.

“The next time you use the Lord’s name in vain,
God will make rush hour longer.”

Wow, what a petty God he must be.  “Ugh, those shitty Christians are using my name in vain again, I’ll show them, they will sit in traffic for two hours!”  Sucks to be those really good Christians during rush hour who did nothing wrong.

Also, why the hell would a church in Philipsburg think this would change people’s lives?  There are no traffic jams around here.  Rush hour traffic happens for about three minutes in this area.  I could understand putting a sign like this in Pittsburgh, maybe on the Parkway.  Might make a bit more sense.  Unfortunately, driving 65 mph past the church around 5 p.m. makes me think God was not paying attention today.  I also used his name in vain approximately 25 times, before lunch.

Or maybe I misread the sign.  Maybe they meant that God will punish you by lengthening the movie Rush Hour, which I believe is one of the circles of hell.  Although, this problem seems to be easily rectified:  avoid watching Rush Hour, and you should be fine.  Damn, God is easy to defeat.

Sadly I could not take a picture of the sign so I had to find one on the internet.  Turns out, churches have some kind of idiot sign maker they use together because this place has also used this sign as well.

I actually almost wrote a large post about this sign once.  I went through and typed questions into google and found that I did in fact get answers, whereas asking God got me zero results.  I ended up not posting it for some reason.  Or if I did, I cannot seem to find it.  Oh wait, I found it, I posted it over at the yummypancake.

In conclusion, please keep up the awesome church signs, they give me something to laugh about for 38 minutes.