Girlfriend of the Week

This week’s GOTW goes out to a very beautiful woman, so beautiful in fact, her face was said to have launched a thousand ships.  That’s right morons, I am talking about Helen of Troy.  She had to be pretty damn hot, right?  Well let us have a look…

So in the movie, Troy, she was portrayed by Diane Kruger.  Not too shabby, I would probably hop in a ship and go fight for her honor.

Okay, probably not.  I mean she is hot, but I would definitely want a sexual reward.  How bad must that have sucked for those Greek soldiers, you know the grunts who have to do the majority of the fighting?  They are on one of those thousand ships and someone points out that they are not going to get Helen after the war.  I would be pissed…

Or imagine if the policy would have been that every man shall get a turn with Helen after the war?  Can you imagine drawing up the order.  “Damn, I am 24, 849.  Fuck this…not literally.”

As we travel back in time, we see some of the great portraits of Helen.  What was up with that hair?  Looks like she should be in an 80s rock band.  But, she would still be doable.

It does look like Paris gave her a good back hand across the face though.  Is that my imagination or does it look like she is covering up a bruise with some make-up?  Damn Trojans and their “bitch deserved it” mentality.  If I remember my history correctly, Paris ends up being arrested on domestic assault charges and then gets raped in prison by Adebisi.

Fortunately this next picture of Helen is much better.  In fact, I am getting moderately turned-on looking at her eyes.

Slender neck, nice tan, already taking her clothes off…pretty much the definition of the girl chained in my basement of my dreams.

You cannot fault a guy for wanting to kidnap her from an arranged marriage.  You also cannot blame a guy for being seriously pissed about losing her.

I only wish the picture went a bit lower, I bet you can see her breast.

This next picture might be the oldest of the bunch.  It dates from 1322 BCE.  What?  You think I am making that up, I have no clue what you are talking about.

Anyways, this is the Helen we should be talking about.  Absolutely perfect, sexy eyes, great breasts, nice legs.  Not afraid to show some skin.

She seems pretty confident too, like she knows that a massive war is about to started over her.  Hundreds of thousands of men will lose their lives because of her, and you know what?  She is okay with it.

This next one is the best though.  This is a woman who blows my mind with her beauty.  I cannot believe that the gods themselves allowed her into the mortal realm…

Continue on to the sexiness after the jump


Turn the ships around!  Christ is she ugly.  Actually I think I saw her stripping before at the Endzone.  Ugh, made me throw up then, made me throw up now…