Yesterday I was having breakfast (well breakfast for me, dinner for anyone else that did not stay up for 27 hours watching season one of Sons of Anarchy and the Mad Men season one marathon). We were having a fairly normal conversation when she asked me a question: do I wish things had turned out different? I have a feeling she meant in our relationship, but I started thinking about it in the more broader spectrum.
The answer is no. I like the way things have went in my life. The problem with thinking about how things could be different is that no one ever thinks about what else could have changed. Without getting into too many details, let me just say that some of the bad decisions, have helped shape the good decisions.
And then I started thinking about my relationship with Kacie. I do not wish things were different, but I do wish certain aspects of my personality were different. I wish that I had been able to make changes. Sadly, I did not, and I probably never will. Instead I will now make fun of myself for the rest of you to read.
I am a very selfish person. If I do not want to do something, that is it. For the entirety of our relationship Kacie asked me, no wait, begged me, to go snowboarding. Just give it a try she would say. She begged me. And my answer was always no. A better man would have tried it.
Kacie on the other hand, was a selfless person. She would give anything a chance. She started watching baseball, specifically the Pirates. She started reading comics…
I am also a very stubborn person (it is a Croyle flaw). Obviously from the above, you can see that I have a tendency to be stubborn. I am also stubborn when it comes to ideas. Sometimes it is a good thing, like if I get something in my head, I do not stop until it is complete. Sadly though, sometimes it can be a problem.
This is sometimes a good quality. In fact, some people find it attractive, especially when they think I am passionate about something. Unfortunately, there are times when I like to argue just for the sake of arguing. If a girl tells me that the sky is blue, I will argue to death that the sky is a light green.
So to answer the question, yes there are things that I would change. Not actual events, but instead my own personality defects. Well this is the worst post ever. I apologize. And I hope that none of you jump to idiotic conclusions about this post.