Ancient Aliens Again

This season of Ancient Aliens has been pretty lackluster, I mean they keep spouting off insanity, but nothing that was remarkable or really all that new from last season of from the original show that spawned this unholy series.  I keep watching though, hoping for something to make fun of and I believe this punishment has paid off.  I recorded a bunch of episodes the other day and it looks like this one is going to be all about the Greek gods and how they were aliens.

Their Stupidity

-Zeus and Poseidon both used energy weapons.  Zeus could fire lightning bolts at his enemies.  He was said to have carried a lightning bolt.  Poseidon could use his trident to start typhoons, monsoons, tsunamis, and earthquakes.

-Apollo, since he has the same name in Greek and Roman mythology, must have been an ancient alien.  He flew in a chariot of fire!  He used to go visit the Hyperboreans up north.  That is why French stone-age people put up rock formations.  They form triangles!!!  Apollo must have used them as a directional tool.

-Zeus and Odin are pretty much the same god!  Think about it.  Both have beards, both have weapons, both are sky gods.  The resemblances are uncanny.  Thor carries a hammer, and it is quite scary how close that weapon is to the lightning bolt that Zeus carries.

-Mount Olympus must have had a spaceship on top, that is where Zeus and the gods lived.  It would rumble at times and their palace could even lift off the top of the mountain.  Must be aliens.

-Zeus once banged Leda by becoming a swan, she gave birth to demigods.  These aliens were creating a super-race of humans.  Look at Herakles and Achilles, they were much better than humans.  They must have been alien-human hybrids.  You can have babies nowadays from artificial insemination, aliens did that back then to create super-soldiers.  They must have also created some half-humans too.  Genetic engineering at it’s finest.  Look at Medusa, Cyclops, centaurs, or the minotaur.

-Skeletons found in the Lovelock cave were over seven feet tall and they had read hair.  The Paiute Indians claimed to have trapped them in the cave and then shot them with arrows and lit them on fire.  These giants must have been related to Goliath and since they just found pottery with the name Goliath at a Philistine site, these must have been the children of these aliens.

-The human brain tripled in size in a very short period of time, which baffles evolutionary scientists.  This must mean that aliens took an early ape and genetically engineered them to be smarter.  That is why the aliens end up looking like us, they made us in their image.  Hell, the Bible even tells us that God made us in his image!

My Response
-Zeus was the god of thunder.  Of course his weapon would be a lightning bolt.  If you asked ancient people they would probably tell you that he was the lightning bolt.  I think Neil Gaiman does a great job of explaining this in Sandman, Morpheus is not the ruler of the dreamworld, he is just the embodiment of dream.  Just as his sister is Death.  Hell, some ancient sculptor may have decided to use his boyfriend as a model for Zeus and that is why people always get that image of Zeus standing there holding a lightning bolt. 

-If I remember correctly, Apollo in some myths pulled the sun and his sister pulled the moon.  In one myth, he let one of his kids fly his chariot and he ends up scorching the earth.  And, if he were an alien, why the hell would he need to build some stones in France to tell him how to get to Hyperborea?  He can fly hundreds of millions of miles across galaxies, yet he needs some standing stones to find his way from Greece to north of France.  Sounds stupid to me.  Also, if you have a bunch of standing stones and you connect any three of them that are not in a straight line, guess what you get?  A TRIANGLE!  Amazing.

-Guess who else were sky gods?  Yahweh, Horus, Teshub, and Anu.  They were also the leaders of their gods well minus Yahweh.  Except that Odin is quite different, he is not the god of thunder (that is Thor) and he is a little more out there than Zeus.  He takes the dead.  He is a wanderer.

-I will not dignify the whole spaceship thing.  I do not even know where ol’ crazy hair got that idea.  He gave no reference, he probably just made the whole thing up.  He is insane.

-I purposely made the genetic engineering thing a little jumbled because this was how they presented their argument.  The whole segment made no sense.  Did aliens turn into swans to have sex?  Or do swans represent artificial insemination?  Most myths came about from stories being told to explain why something was the way it was.  I read somewhere that archaeologists believe that the cyclops myths come from ancient Greek farmers finding skulls of mammoths and the trunk hole would look like a giant eye socket.

-The whole giant thing is crazy.  Have scientists actually studied these skeletons?  Does anyone know if the Goliath inscription is real?  Or was Goliath just a common Philistine name?  You can read a crazy website about how the Nephalim are real and they are coming back to kill us all if you want, it is just as crazy as I just described.

-The next part was just sloppy.  I guess you could say cranial capacity tripled in a short period of time if you just ignore a bunch of discoveries.  If you jump from Homo Habilis right to Homo Neanderthalenis then yes you can say it was almost three times in a short period 510 to 1200 cc in under 800,000 years.  That would seem like a huge jump, but during that time we have a bunch of other examples and they fit right in the middle.  How crazy is that?

I will watch a few more episodes and I am sure that I will laugh some more.  It is a shame that the History Channel no longer has anything about real history, instead just making up stuff like this or pawn shops.

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