I Should Have Made Some Money

When I was a kid, I was attacked by a dog (actually this happened twice) and never once did me or my family ever think to sue the bastards who owned those horrible beasts.  Where the hell was Edgar Snyder back then with his creepy dog commercials?  Yo, Eddie can I still sue them?  I have developed a fear of dogs because of the attacks.

The first dog was a chow and it happened when I was about five or six.  We were at my pap’s house helping take apart his swimming pool.  The dog came up to me and I went to pet it.  The damn thing took a bite out of my hip.  Yeah, pretty scary for a small child.

The second attack happened when I was in fifth grade.  Adam and I walked up to our neighbors house to catch the bus.  We were told by some of the other kids that Mary Ann’s dog was loose (I thought Mary Ann was the girl who lived up the street and had a tiny dog, instead it was the other people we never really saw who had a mean old mutt that was abused often).

This evil beast had the one neighbor kid cornered so I tried to help by luring it away.  I ran as fast as I could, which allowed the kid to escape, but during my run through the one yard, I slipped on the wet grass and the dog got on top of me.  It started biting my legs and was working it’s way up to my more private areas.  Luckily the mother of the kid I saved ran out and kicked the dog in the ribs as hard as she could.  It ran away.  I hopped on the bus after that and my mom came to the school to take me to the hospital.

So now you can see why I hate dogs and why Edgar Snyder should help me sue those bastards for creating this fear.