I Pooped the Earthquake

I am sure most of you heard about the earthquake in Virginia.  I wish I had a great story about how I felt it and knew exactly what was happening.  Sadly, I have no good story.  Instead, I have a great story.

I was in the bathroom at work, doing a humpty-dump (that is Lindsey’s new term for pooping) and when I came out a few employees asked me if I felt the earthquake.  I informed them that it was not an earthquake, just me taking a massive dump.  Then I realized they were being serious, so I looked online and found out that there was in fact an earthquake.

Sadly, I did not feel a thing.  Although as Jason pointed out via twitter:  “If it was worse, at least you were in the right place to have the shit scared out of you. Weird that we were both in the bathroom.”  Umm, we were not in the same bathroom for those of you who took that the wrong way.

I heard people on Cory Giger’s radio show saying that they did not feel anything, yet other people near them did feel the quake.  How weird is that?  People at work felt it, yet me in the bathroom, felt nothing.  Well unless you count the giant turd that somehow came from my body.  Actually, it was not that big, I just figured that would gross everyone out.

Anyways, speaking of twitter (oh wait, I never spoke of it?  shut up and keep reading).  There were plenty of funny tweets (I hate this term) about the cause of the quake.  Here are two of my favorites (paraphrased because I am too lazy to try and find them):

-Alexander Ovechkin fell off the treadmill this afternoon causing a 5.9 earthquake.

-That was not an earthquake, it was just Prince Fielder’s stomach rumbling for veggies.

And that is why twitter makes me laugh…

On a serious note, I was actually worried about my Aunt Lori and family because I texted her immediately (I saw a news report that said not to call because it could overload the cellphone towers or something).  She finally responded and said everyone was fine and that they were out camping and had stopped at a gas station when it hit.  I guess they were about an hour away.