Comic Book Characters Should Play Baseball: Marvel Edition

Last time I looked at the DC characters, and it was pretty fun.  This time I want to take a look at the Marvel characters, but I do not want to use the same types of characters.

Imagine if Tony Stark had decided to never take that fateful trip and instead bought a baseball team.  Hell he would be like a drunken Mark Cuban.  He is super-intelligent, so I imagine he would meddle with the team much like Jerry Jones, but during one of his drinking binges he could always pull off a crazy trade…

Also, I am pretty sure he would have some sexy cheerleaders.

Durability is something that makes a catcher valuable.  You do not want a guy like Chris Snyder or Ryan Doumit out there who could get hurt on every single play.  Imagine Wolverine out there (hopefully he made it into baseball before getting an adamantium skeleton), getting down, blocking balls, having no problem taking a collision at the plate.  He would easily break Cal Ripken Jr.’s record.

I picture him having a little bit of pop in his bat, and with his animal reflexes he might be able to be a pretty decent hitter.  I would imagine a .275 average and about 25-30 HRs per year.

Also, he always seems to be crouching down into a catchers position.  I think it is just a short leap for him to throw on a mitt.  I just feel bad for the guy who gets into a fight with him and one of those creepy, boney claws pops out.

First Base

You want a big power-hitter playing over at first?  How about the guy known as Power Man.  Instead of becoming a Hero for Hire, what if he went into baseball?  The dude would probably belt about 50 HRs per year.  He has the strength, he would just have to work on being able to hit a baseball.

I picture him as a three true outcome kind of guy.  Like Adam Dunn or Carlos Pena.  Probably strike out a ton, walk a good bit, and absolutely crush baseballs.  Also, since he has that enhanced durability, you do not have to worry about him getting hurt.

I would love to see what would happen if Prince Fielder or Albert Pujols tried to smack on him.  He would probably have to give them a beat-down.

Second Base
Instead of going out and raising a fortune to help fund a silly club that wants to take over the world (or whatever the Hellfire Club wants), Sebastian Shaw would have made perfect second baseman.  He could easily absorb the kinetic energy of the ball and then throw it to first with the same force (if I remember his powers correctly).

Unfortunately, he would probably have played back in the early 1900s with Honus Wagner and Ty Cobb (god, those two together would have been a pretty scary thing).  I can see him being pretty decent turning the double-play and all he would need is some people to punch him in the dugout before he could go up to bat, maybe give him a little extra strength.  I imagine a .250 hitter, with probably 10-15 HRs.  I picture him being more of a defensive guy.

Third Base
Honestly, did you think I would create this team and not include the main man of the Marvel Universe?  Obviously Captain America would be a perfect third baseman.  He has range and agility, so he would make Ryan Zimmerman look like Pedro Alvarez.  Also, tossing that shield around probably makes him a fairly accurate hitter and have a little zip on the ball (good thing Luke Cage is over there in case one misses a glove!).

Did I mention that he can probably hit a little bit too?  I imagine him to hit for a ridiculously high average with plenty of home runs.  I bet he would hit around .400 with 40+ HRs.  Honestly, he had the perfect opportunity to make this happen.  He could have been unfrozen and just disappeared from the world.  Join a baseball team and make a fortune.

Sadly, he decided that continuing his career as Captain America was a smarter move than crushing baseballs and winning MVPs.  What a loser.

Quick reflexes, photokinetic memory…hmm how could these serve a baseball player?  Well just plop ol’ Taskmaster in front of a TV for a few hours and allow him to watch every great SS and then watch him go out and perform perfectly.

His other skills are also enhanced, so he would probably be a great hitter.  He would basically be just like Starlin Castro…minus the fact that he could field his position.

Dear Pittsburgh, please go out and sign this guy immediately!  His weird skeleton face might be a problem…I really hope that is just some weird mask.

Left Field
This team definitely has some power in the infield, what they would really need in the outfield is a supreme defense.  Some guys with canons who can just gun runners down.  Imagine having Bullseye out in left-field.  He can kill people by throwing a card at them.  I am sure he could throw a baseball from left to home…I bet he could throw out Sid Bream…

Also, with his fighting skills and ability to hone in on an object, he could probably be a pretty decent hitter.  I could see him hitting .300 and maybe hitting 20 HRs.

Right Field
So a similar type player, with probably a better arm over in right.   Hawkeye would pretty much kick ass out in the field.  He has that fantastic athletic ability from his circus days.

I would imagine that his years of doing all that crazy training with Captain America has made him pretty quick, so I could see him being a 20 HR guy, but his value would be his ability to get on base and steal bases.  I am thinking maybe 60-80 per year.  With these guys hitting behind him, he could probably score about 130 runs per year.

Oh, and come on, he wears this outlandish uniform and still manages to bang most of the girls in the Marvel Universe?  Yeah, he would definitely enjoy the baseball lifestyle.

Center Field
Okay, this would not be a team if I did not include Spider-Man.  Obviously, he could only play one position.  Out there in CF, he could use his abilities a little bit and rob HRs all day.  Also, he has enhanced speed and reflexes.  I can imagine a ton of Web Gems from him out there.  He would be like Andy Van Slyke out there, making constant great catches.

He has super-strength and the ability to dodge bullets.  You think a 95 MPH fastball is going to phase him?  I am guessing he would go down as one of the greatest players of all time.  Probably club 50-60 HRs, hit around .450, and steal a few bases.  Yeah, he would be good.

Oh and if you do not think he would do something like this, then you do not remember what Peter Parker did when he first received his powers.  He joined a professional wrestling group.  Maybe if Uncle Ben had not been shot, Peter may have realized that the real money is in professional baseball.

Remember in the last edition, I used the Arrow family as a group that would make great pitchers.  I decided to go a different route this time.  You need a pitching staff?  I can give you two pitchers and that is all you will need.

Mystique would be able to copy pretty much any pitcher ever.  Four days in a row, she could be four different pitchers.  Clemens, Pedro, Randy Johnson, Verlander…all she needs to do is change the facial features a wee bit.

After that you might need to allow her an off day, maybe so she could go out just be herself.  Being a guy for that long would probably get weird.

I say, you take a guy like Longshot and teach him a knuckle-ball.  Think about it, his mutant ability is to make probability/luck go in his favor.  Every time he tosses that sucker, things would be in his favor, it looks like it will be a ball, but it somehow drops in for a strike.  A guy hits it and it just seems to go right to the SS.

Unfortunately, he might need to wear an eye-patch or something.  Also, he just looks like an old 80s style pitcher with that great mullet.  Hey Longshot, Doug Drabek called, he wants his hair-style back.

Well there is the team, who do you think would win:  DC or Marvel?  Hmm…