A Wedding Adventure

Yesterday, Lindsey and I went to a wedding in Windber.  It was Lindsey’s cousin who got married, so we had to attend the church service.  Most people do not know this about me, but I actually enjoy going to the wedding and seeing how the different denominations do things.  Being an atheist helps bring a different perspective to the whole thing.  This was a Catholic wedding and these always provide a decent workout with all the sitting and standing.

We were actually a few minutes late getting there.  We would have been early, but Lindsey’s dress had a zipper malfunction.  The damn thing split apart and then got stuck, she had to change dresses at the last second.  I want Lindsey to take the dress back to the store because it should not have split that way.  Damn zipper was quite cheap.  It was a pretty crappy way to start the day.

The church was quite beautiful, St. Elizabeth Ann Seton and the service was fairly short, considering that the last Catholic wedding I attended seemed to take three hours.  There were the typical readings and whatnot, which are pretty standard nowadays at weddings. Also, there were eight groomsman/bridesmaid, which seemed like a lot to me.  I do not know if I have eight friends.  I am guessing that they wanted it to equal nine (including themselves) so they could play a game of baseball before the wedding.  I may not be kidding either, apparently the groom was a big baseball player.

I laughed at one part of the church though, the entire place is well decorated and has all of the normal religious symbols and whatnot.  They have a special cabinet for the holy oils, labeled “Holy Oils.”  Pretty standard stuff, but then, behind the altar area, there was a fan.  I am guessing that it gets fairly hot in there and the fan helps circulate some of the air, but it just struck me as out of place.  Especially since you can probably see it in the wedding photos.  I would think that if god wanted you to be cool, he would have designed the church to have better airflow…

After the wedding, we went over to Lindsey’s dad house to enjoy some beverages and some munchies.  Some of her family was in from all over the place and it was nice to catch up with everyone.  Also, the reception was not until six, so we had a few hours to kill.  Quite convenient that her dad lives in Windber.

The reception was pretty nice as well.  It was held in some part of Johnstown called Tire Hill.  I swear the people of Johnstown just make these places up.  I did not see any tires, or even a hill.  Weird.  The food was catered by Anthony’s.  Most of it was pretty standard, but the stuffed chicken was fantastic.  I could have eaten ten of them.

I want to mention how wedding receptions have changed since I was a wee child.  Back in the olden days, after the dinner was served, the bride & groom cut the cake and smashed it into each others faces, then as the tables were cleared out for dancing, the new couple had their first dance and the father of the bride dance and all that jazz.  Then you had the bridal dance.  For those of you not from Pennsylvania (I do not think this is a custom shared by everyone), you pay money to dance with the bride and you get a shot of alcohol as a reward.

Nowadays though, they do things in a different order.  They introduce the couples (which they used to do as well, but back in my day they walked in while playing a nice romantic song and were introduced) by treating it like the introduction to a sporting event.  The couples come dancing in while they blare some club music.  It is weird.  Then they immediately cut the cake, then they do the first dance, and the father of the bride dance.  Then you eat.  Then they convince everyone to come dance, then they do the bridal dance.  I always felt the bridal dance was a great way to get everyone sufficiently drunk so they would be more apt to dance.

Another thing I want to mention is the strapless dress thing.  I know girls love to wear a strapless dress, but they are impractical.  Every 3.43 seconds a girl has to adjust the dress so that it does not fall down and expose some boob.  It would be like guys wearing pants that needed to be adjusted so you did not see our balls.  We would never do that.

It was a nice wedding and we definitely had a fun time.  There was a thing on the table about going to some wedding app and submitting pictures you took and I think we would have won the “cutest couple” one.  I am obviously a bit biased.  Enjoy a bunch of pictures!