Pittsburgh Guest-Blogger Event

I was asked to participate in the second Pittsburgh Guest-Blogger Event.  This is where a bunch of bloggers put their names in a hat and write a post for the one they drew.  If you are looking for my post, it is over at BeezusKiddo.  And over here, you get to enjoy a post from Crank Crank Revolution.  He is a very funny guy and you will definitely enjoy his post.
Springtime For Bloggers by Stephen Harkleroad from Crank Crank Revolution
Spring is finally here!
More or less, I mean. The calendar says that spring happened a few weeks ago, but the calendar also derped out and put 28 days in February, so who wants to pay attention to that?
Spring is my third most favorite season. I prefer fall; winter is nice (sorry, I’m a cold-weather guy) but it gets old fast, so spring is always a welcome change. That is until it rains fourteen days straight and I have to take out the trash through my back yard which at this point is a combination of Alderaan and the last season of Dexter. Then I’m waiting for fall again.
But aside from all that, what does spring mean?
Spring means weddings. All the pent-up pressure of brides waiting out the snow blows over and then springtime melts away all the snow and ushers in a season of bad watercolor bridesmaids dresses, dissonant flower arrangements, cake flavors that take six days to talk about and decide on, and long-suffering family members who have to put up with poor judgment skills, erratic behavior, and emotional instability not unlike that of late Russian royalty. But we all put up with it because there is a chance–no matter how small–that something spectacular is going to go wrong.
Spring means allergies. Thankfully, I’m managed to work up an immunity* to allergies, so only about once every five years do I actually suffer any mild effects. But I know other people who suffer greatly from the ravages of Mother Nature every year. You would think that we could have developed some sort of anti-allergy vaccine** that would make taking a simple walk in the park less traumatic than the Bataan Death March. Instead, most people spend March through May snorting enough iodine and bactine*** in their nasal canals like a soon-to-be-dead cast member of Breaking Bad.
Spring means deer. The fawns have grown and the parents have gotten rumspringa. Filthy, gross ratbeasts that run out in front of your car every morning like it’s a race to the Dunkin Donuts. “Hey, Charlie, imma run across the road and get some munchkins and a USA Today. Just gotta wait for a car to drive by so I can make them piss their pants.” I hate deer with a passion unparalleled, as I have been fortunate enough to hit around four of them. That’s right–I said “around” because I have lost track as to the number of times I have hit a deer. Deer are horrible animals, and the only person who hates deer more than myself is Nationwide Insurance.
Spring means spring break. Well, no. It means spring break for a tiny sliver of upper-middle-class college students depending on the current exchange rate to Latin American nations. Somehow, however, our culture has latched on to spring break as some sort of safety-valve-level sanctioned display of decadent behavior, not unlike proms, bachelor parties, and World War II.  What it does not mean is that the people who could probably use a week off in the spring to not just go to work still have to go to work.
Spring means baseball. Being from Pittsburgh, that hasn’t always been a thing for me. In fact, it’s been a long, long time since baseball meant anything in this city besides free fireworks and broken dreams. Thankfully, last season, the Pirates made the playoffs for the first time in about three two-term Presidents, making baseball at least exciting again. Of course, if there’s one thing the Pirates are known for, it’s orchestrating a late-game collapse into disappointment and sadness, so we do have that to look forward to.
And, finally, spring means rain. We all know it’s coming, so stop complaining about it. Just grab your three dollar department store umbrella and embrace the weather.
*I am assuming that you can develop an immunity to allergies. Science wasn’t my strongest subject.
**Again, I don’t know if allergies can be affected by vaccines. It’s all just potions and magic spells at the pharmacy as far as I know.
***Seriously, guys, I’m pretty sure I’m about two steps away from being a flat earther.
Thank you Stephen for such a great post!  I am fortunate that I have not hit as many deer as him.  Feel free to check out some of the other posts from the Pittsburgh Guest-Blogger event…


A Librarian’s Lists and Letters for Emily Levenson
Beezus Kiddo for Yum Yum PGH
Crank Crank Revolution for Ngewo’s World
D&T In the Burgh for Sole for the Soul
Don’t Forget to Eat for D&T In the Burgh
Downtown Living for syntaxxerrorrr
Emily Levenson for Don’t Forget to Eat
everybody loves you… for The Pittsburgh Mommy Blog
jelly jars for Ya Jagoff
lil Burghers for The Firecracker Blog
Ngewo’s World for Beezus Kiddo
Oh Honestly, Erin for Crank Crank Revolution
Orange Chair Blog for Yinz R Readin
PGH Happy Hour for Downtown Living
Radio Chumps for PGH Happy Hour
Red Pen Mama for The Steel Trap
Sean’s Ramblings for Valentine J. Brkich
Sole for the Soul for Red Pen Mama
Syntaxxerrorrr for everybody loves you…
Tall Tales from a Small Town for West of Mars
The Firecracker Blog for lil Burghers
The Pittsburgh Mommy Blog for Orange Chair Blog
The Steel Trap for Radio Chumps
Valentine J. Brkich for Tall Tales from a Small Town
West of Mars for Oh Honestly, Erin
Yinz R Readin for Yinzster
Yinzster for Sean’s Ramblings

Yum Yum PGH for jelly jars