This was a much better episode. Still not a ton of action, but it felt like a lot more stuff happened. Okay, there was action, it just came in the form of a dragon roasting a goat. Other than that, the majority of the episode focused on the trial of Tyrion. I guess I am a sucker for a good courtroom scene.
Before I go into the trial stuff, we should probably talk about what was happening with some other folks.
The Davos and Stannis Traveling Road Show
These guys head to the Iron Bank to plead their case. Obviously bankers do not give a shit about who is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, just as long as they can make their loan payments and Stannis does not have the resources.
Stannis does a terrible job of looking regal. He had a little bit of stubble, which does not help one look powerful. Either grow a beard or be clean-shaven. Lucky for him, Davos knows how to win over a crowd. He is able to convince them that once Stannis wins, he will repay his debts because he is a man of his word. They must have believed him since the next scene shows Davos going to his good friend Salladhor and giving him a bunch of money. He has a great joke that he gave the rest to Salladhor’s wife and that they sail at dawn. Stannis has ships again.
Ramsay Snow Versus The Iron Born
Yara is sent to rescue Theon. She manages to break in and reach him in the kennel. Then Ramsay and his guards show up. They have a nice fight (Ramsay is shirtless because he was having weird kinky sex with his girl, lots of choking and scratching), but Theon will not leave. He is too far gone.
The Iron Born get their asses kicked and runaway before Ramsay releases the hounds. As they get back on their ships, Yara says they are not coming back because Theon is dead. Then Ramsay rewards Theon by allowing him to take a bath. He even washes him off, which was creepy. He tells Reek that he has a new mission for him, he wants him to help him take a castle by pretending to be Theon Greyjoy.
Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryan, the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons
Jesus that is a long title. Or does that count as her last name? Imagine her kid at school? Teacher having to do attendance:
Teacher: Jerry Stark
Teacher: Melissa Lannister
Teacher: Kyle Stormborn of the House Targaryan, the First of Her Name, the Unburn, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons
Teacher: Is Kyle here? Do we need to call his mother? Can someone call Mrs. Stormborn of the House Targaryan, the First of Her Name, the Unburn, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons on the phone?
Kyle: (running in and out of breath) I AM HERE! Sorry, my dragon slept in.
I can see it now on NickJr. this fall. The Tales of Kyle and His Dragon…
Okay, that got a little bit out there. I apologize. Anyways, Dany is having a blast ruling Meereen. She has to pay for some dead goats that Drogon ate. And she pissed off the son of one of the slavers. Apparently he was opposed to crucifying people, but Dany did not care when she took the city. Oops. She at least allows them to be removed and given burial rites.
The entire trial made me think of Bob Dylan’s Hurricane…
All of Rubin’s cards were marked in advance
The trial was a pig-circus he never had a chance
The judge made Rubin’s witnesses drunkards from the slums
To the white folks who watched he was a revolutionary bum
And to the black folks he was just a crazy nigger
No one doubted that he pulled the trigger
And though they could not produce the gun
The DA said he was the one who did the deed
And the all-white jury agreed.
Rubin Carter was falsely tried
The crime was murder ‘one’ guess who testified
Bello and Bradley and they both baldly lied
And the newspapers they all went along for the ride
How can the life of such a man
Be in the palm of some fool’s hand ?
To see him obviously framed
Couldn’t help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land
Where justice is a game.
Someone clever should come up with a song about Tyrion set to that tune. Obviously I am not that person.
The trial itself sees a bunch of people testifying against Tyrion and proving that everyone in Westeros has an infallible memory. They all could remember word for word what Tyrion said them regarding Joffrey. Pretty impressive.
My favorite part was actually when Jaime cuts a deal with Tywin. He is willing to leave the Kingsguard and rule Casterly Rock and get married if Tyrion is spared. Tywin agrees with a smirk. You could tell that this was something he hoped would happen. He knew that he could manipulate Jaime this way. Classic Tywin.
Jaime tells Tyrion that if he begs for mercy he will be sent to the Wall and forced to join the Night’s Watch. At first Tyrion is going along, but then Shae walks to the stand and says all these sort of truths about Tyrion. I mean, she manipulates the things he said to her and then lies about how he and Sansa plotted to murder the king. You can see the heart break in Tyrion. And then he lashes out. He tells everyone that he wishes he would have killed the king and that he wishes he would have left them all die when Stannis attacked. He demands a trial by combat…I wonder who will be his champion…(us book folk know the answer).
The only thing I did not like about Tyrion’s passioned speech was the way he kept growling words. He did this when he was trying to get Shae to leave. It is weird and almost a little Christian Bale Batmanesque. Yep, I just made up that word.
I also would be remiss if I did not mention how awesome Oberyn is. Yet again. When Shae says that Tyrion wanted her to fuck him like it was his last night, Oberyn interrupts with “did you?” Then he clarifies by repeating it back “did you fuck him like it was his last night?” Such an awesome guy.