In case you have not noticed, there have been a lack of posts this past week. Normally I post even when I am on vacation. Unfortunately, I got a little sick during the week so I had to use my sick days from Ngewo’s World. Sadly, my intern quit a few weeks ago so that left the place empty while I was recuperating. I know you are dying to know what happened during the week and now you get to hear all about it…
Craig & Amanda’s Wedding
Last Saturday was my cousin’s wedding. Lindsey and I met my brother and Lora and then the four of us drove over to the church. We ended up having to sit in the very back and we were packed into a pew that normally holds three people. Fortunately, it was a fairly quick ceremony. The reception was down in Morrisdale, which means that someone would have to stay sober in order to drive home.
The beer was going down pretty smooth that night, at least for me. Lindsey was drinking wine. It was some kind of homemade wine. I am pretty sure she polished off three bottles by herself. Needless to say we were drunk. My brother and Lora were not in my better shape. Luckily one of my younger cousins was there and gave us a ride home.
I had a great time at the wedding, talking to family, dancing like an idiot, and just having fun in general. Unfortunately, with great fun generally comes great pain the next day.
I felt like crap the next day. Had a terrible hangover. However, as bad as I felt, Lindsey was a bit worse. We went to lunch with Adam and Lora, then we went to Lindsey’s neck of the woods. Well it was more like her dad’s area, since it was Windber (but let us get real here, 79% of you reading this have no clue that Windber, Richland, and Johnstown are all different places). They were having a birthday get together for her aunt (or maybe great-aunt, not sure). Anyways, it was a fun time.
On Monday, I was able to work on my best man speech and do a few things around the house. Plus that night we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy. That was the final day of feeling great. It did not stop us from doing more great things though.
Pirates Versus Marlins
We had tickets to see the Pirates game on Tuesday. I got four from work and Lindsey was going for a work event. I was able to take Ryan, Jason, and Kevin. It was great seeing those guys again. We did not get a picture together because we are idiots. We did have great seats though. Sadly, the Pirates decided to play like crap and not win. That was the game where they chose not to use Tony Watson and Mark Melancon.
Lindsey and I stayed at a hotel and got up the next day and went to breakfast at IHOP. Yes, that is what we normally do. We then made our way up to Soergels. I felt pretty crappy all day, which I will get into later. Lindsey was excited because she was able to buy fruits or something. I was excited because…well I have no clue. I was just excited.
After that we went to pick out Lindsey’s wedding dress. Well I did not go inside, I went to the Ross Park Mall while Lindsey tried it on for her mom and sister. It seems like most of the big things for the wedding are finished. Now it is just a matter of organizing the small details. Anyways, once they were done, we all went to The Cheesecake Factory. I did not eat much though.
Alright, I should probably just tell you about my bout of Ebola or whatever nasty illness I contracted. It started out with a bit of diarrhea. It did not seem too big of a problem, but then I kept having to poop. I could barely eat anything at all. It was fairly watery and almost a tan color.
I know this is a disgusting story. It is about to get a whole lot worse. I apologize. One of the problems with going to the bathroom so much and still being out and about, you see some disgusting restrooms. Although, none of them were as gross as what I found when I ran into the Barnes & Noble at the Waterfront.
Yes, if you enlarge this picture, you will see not only poop on the back of the seat, but blood on the front. I do not even want to know what was wrong with the person that they did that. Ugh. Fortunately, I was able to use the other stall, which was clean.
As gross as all this sounds, it still gets worse. So far, I am just describing Tuesday through Friday. Then Saturday happened. That morning we got up and were planning on running to the store because I forgot to bring a shirt to wear on Sunday. As I was driving, I started to feel like I had to go…
We see a convenience store and I pull in. I jump out and run inside, as I get to the bathroom and start to undo my belt, I can feel the poop coming. I start to pull my shorts down when it all comes out. All over my boxer briefs (my fancy Polo briefs!) and a little bit on my shorts. I also got a good bit on the toilet seat. Unlike the guy at B&N, I am a nice guy and cleaned up my mess. I did throw away my underwear. I turned the water on real hot and tried my best to wash the crap off my shorts.
Once I seemed to have it all, I put them back on and did the walk of shame to my car. Lindsey looked at me with concern and asked if everything was okay. I responded that we had to go back to our cabin so I could clean myself up. Luckily, I was able to take some Imodium and my stomach started to feel much better.
After that story, I think we need to lighten up the mood a bit. On Thursday, we met up with Lindsey’s friend, Michelle and her boyfriend down at the Waterfront. We had tickets for the Improv to see Tom Segura.
The guy was hilarious. He started out with some bits about going to the movies and there being babies at the theater. Those jokes were alright, but then he started going and his stuff was great.
He had a fantastic bit about a terrible strip club called Beef. Plus he was great at working the crowd, especially making fun of the couple in front of him. We kept saying that we wanted to hit up the Improv and after this show, I will definitely make more trips down.
The rest of the vacation will be discussed later since it was all about my brother’s wedding. It was a good vacation, despite shitting my pants and feeling like death the entire week. Seriously, I still had a great time.