Star Wars Senate Sessions

Deathstar_negwtHere is something that always bothered me from Star Wars. Okay, so remember in A New Hope when the guys are talking about the Senate and Grand Moff Tarkin strolls in and says that the Senate has been dissolved? That means that at some point there was still a Senate and Emperor Palpatine had to propose the idea for building the Death Star. You see how horribly inefficient government is here, can you imagine what it was like in a galaxy far, far away? I imagine it went something like this.

Palpatine:  Members of the Senate, I would like to secure funding for a new mobile battle station. Something the galaxy has never seen before with more firepower than the entire Imperial Fleet.
Senator of Lothal: Your Imperial Majesty, what is the name of this proposed station?
Palpatine: It is called the Death Star.
Senator of Alderaan: Death Star? That sounds very ominous, what would it do?
Senator of Dagobah: I would say it is very obvious, it destroys stars, am I right?
Palpatine: Well no, it actually destroys the planet with an immense laser.
Senator of Alderaan: Then shouldn’t it be called Death Planet or better yet, Planet Destroyer!
Palpatine: (mumbling) I’ll show you a planet destroyer, arrogant prick…
Senator of Alderaan: What was that your majesty?
Senator of Naboo: I feel like Death Star really sends a negative message. I feel that we need to form a committee to come up with a more positive name. All in favor of forming a naming committee say aye!
All Senators: AYE!
Palpatine: Oh for fucks sake…
Senator of Endor: And how much will this battle station cost and for what purpose will it be used?
Palpatine: We are looking at somewhere between 100 and 200 trillion credits. As for what it was be used for, well obviously this is intended to defend the Empire from external threats.
Senator of Bespin: 200 TRILLION CREDITS!!!??? Are you out of your mind, my lord?
Senator of Coruscant: And what are these outside threats? We live in a galaxy, far, far away from anything.
Senator of Alderaan: This kind of project is going to push us further into deficit spending! Where will the funding come from?
Palpatine: First, 200 trillion credits is a steal for this thing. I was able to find a designer who says we can save tons of money by leaving some openings in the thermal exhaust ports. Second, there are many threats outside of the galaxy that wish to threaten our very existence. Not only that, there are subversive elements within our very Empire that wish to see anarchy brought upon us. They are trying to restore the Jedi and you remember how things were under their tyrannical rule? And finally, we will save labor costs by instituting slavery upon non-human aliens.
Senator of Kashyyyk: RRRRRGGGGGHHH-UHHHH-AHH-ahhh-ahh
Palpatine: Yes, I understand your complaint, but you must understand that this is for the defense of our galaxy!
Senator of Corellia: I do not think our non-human companions are going to like this. In fact, I believe we need a committee to discuss the legality of slavery. All in favor?
All Senators: AYE!Palpatine
Senator of Alderaan: Okay, so we have a Naming Committee and the Slave-Rights Committee. All in favor of a sub-committee to explore the viability of a new and previously unnamed battle station for protection?
All Senators: AYE!
Palpatine: (mumbling again) You wait until you see the power of my fully operational battle station…
Senator of Alderaan: What was that?
Palpatine: Oh nothing, I suppose we could eliminate the slave issue and still keep costs to a minimum by using the Clone Army.
Senator of Kamino: Clones have rights. They are still people and they should be paid.
Palpatine: Yes, and they will be paid,  their standard military pay. They have to do whatever we say.
Senator of Kamino: They are your finest soldiers, why would you waste their talents doing menial labor? I bet you could use those lame droid armies.
Palpatine: I have no connection to the droid armies.
Senator of Kamino: What? You were totally the guy egging on the Trade Federation to build a droid army and attack Naboo.
Senator of Naboo: Are you serious? You are from Naboo my lord, how could you do that to us?
Senator of Alderaan: All in favor of forming a committee to investigate the matter of connection between our glorious emperor and this shadowy Darth Sideous.
Palpatine: (mumbling again) ugh, this is why nothing ever got done in the Republic. Damn committees…
Second Senator of Naboo: Meesa Jar Jar Binks! Meesa think Palpatine bom-bad man!
Palpatine electrocutes Jar Jar Binks to death

Jar Jar dying by Palpatine

Senator of Yavin: I think we can go along with your Death Star plan sir! All in favor, say aye.
All Senators: AYE!
Palpatine: Excellent! We shall begin work immediately. I also would like to secure funding for a second Death Star, perhaps near Endor, any objections?

And that is how the Death Star made it through the Senate…




Best photoshop ever