Let me tell you about the day I have had. It was not a great day. In fact, it might rank up there as one of the worst. Where do I begin? Probably at the beginning…
Lindsey had a dentist appointment at 8:00, naturally she has to get up at like 6:30 in order to get ready. I must have fallen asleep and did not see Samson poop everywhere. He has not really had an accident in awhile (I do not count when Jason and Shoval brought Bella over because he was super excited and that was my fault). However this morning, he must have let out all of the poop in the world on our floor. Plus he had diarrhea so it was this disgusting liquid shit that was all over the place. Lindsey forced me to clean it up. It almost caused me to vomit.
Once Lindsey was gone, Samson and I went downstairs and I figured we could get something to eat. As I was eating my cereal I heard him throw up in the living room. I cleaned it up and tried not to throw up myself. I took him outside and he peed (I figured he already had two accidents in the house, did not need the final one). We came back and I made myself some coffee. Samson seemed like he was out of it and figured he was probably going to sleep for a bit. I was mostly right, but after about forty-five minutes, he hopped off the couch and puked on the rug again. This vomit was a little grosser than the other one and it made me start dry heaving. Ugh, I was not having a great day.
Poop Part Two
Once the coffee was finished, I had to relieve myself. I went upstairs and used the facilities. When I came out, Samson had left me a nice present in front of the door. Yep, he pooped again. And this was nice and runny again. I used a paper towel to clean it up and tossed it in the toilet. Samson was a little frightened, he must have thought I was mad at him. He was in our room, hiding in his crate. I came in and told him that it was okay. I sat on the bed and he came to me. He curled up to me and we may have both fallen asleep. We woke up around 12:45 and decided to watch some television.
Around 2:30 we went outside for a walk. We did a normal circuit around the neighborhood and he did not poop at all. He became hyper and started jumping around like a crazy dog. He actually jumped up and yanked my headphone cord out of my phone and then pulled it hard enough that it ripped out of my ear. That hurt. We went back home and since he was feeling alright I gave him some food and water. Lindsey came home a little bit later and we took him for another walk. Lindsey told me to go because she wanted to talk to me, I thought she had something important to tell me. Nope. Just wanted to say hi. So instead of getting a haircut, I was walking. I hate walking.
The rest of the day was pretty normal. Lindsey and I made dinner. We worked with Samson on commands. I took him outside. In case you are wondering, we had a delicious salmon dinner with broccoli and noodles. The salmon was marinated in honey teriyaki sauce and we baked it. So good.
We were going to watch an episode of Lost, but first I needed to use the bathroom. I went upstairs and lifted the toilet lid to see that it was clogged. Ugh, Samson’s poop in the paper towel. I ran downstairs and grabbed the plunger. I started going at it and I thought I got it loose and figured I should try to flush. Huge mistake! I should know better. The toilet overflowed and it was definitely still clogged. I told Lindsey to call Roto-Rooter. They said it was cost $230 to come out tonight or $170 tomorrow. Lindsey said “come out tomorrow.” Then came the fun part, we needed to clean up the shit. I went to Wal-Mart to buy a cheap mop and bucket with some rubber gloves. I wrapped my shoes with bags and decided to give the plunger another shot. Now that the stench was not making me gag and the floor was already a mess…what else could happen? I plunged pretty hard (since it no longer mattered if shit splash anywhere) and to my amazement, after a few minutes it finally flushed!
I scrubbed the toilet and the floor. Lindsey was a huge help. She just stood there gagging and saying things like “ewww gross.” Luckily I had a bunch of white cloth towels from when my restaurant closed. I was able to use a ton of those to get the big chunks of poop. Once those were up, I mopped the floor up. And then once I was done mopping, I went over it with some dry towels. Then I mopped it again.
And since you read this entire thing and probably only gagged once or twice. Here is a video I took yesterday of Samson meeting a cat for the first time. Sorry for the lens flares, JJ Abrams taught me well…