We Need Crazy! Save Us Giorgio!

The far right has Alex Jones and InfoWars. I think the far left needs some crazy conspiracy theories of their own. I mean really crazy, like on par with Alex Jones saying that Obama and Clinton are possessed by demons and that his sources say you can smell sulfur when in their presence. That is batshit crazy.

So, I think the left needs to recruit their own crazy person to make up silly stuff about President Trump. My nominee would be everyone’s favorite Ancient Alien Theorist:  Giorgio Tsoukalos! He has a huge following, his believers blindly accept just about anything he says. What better person to spread idiotic nonsense about our current president? I even have a way to tie all of this together*…

I know, it sounds pretty crazy, but hear me out:

-I do not think he is an actual alien. I am speculating that he could be mind-controlled by aliens. Perhaps the Anunnaki have returned and decided to hijack Trump’s mind in order to gain power of the strongest military in the world. I mean, yeah they could come down and use their advanced weapons, but wouldn’t it be easier to just have us destroy ourselves? Remember, they created humans to mine gold and then we decided to rebel against them.

-Gold. The Anunnaki love gold. Guess who else loves gold? Donald Trump! He decorates everything in gold. He sits on golden chairs. I believe that could be the Anunnaki mind-control leaking through.

-Trump has trouble reading. I believe this is because the wiring in his brain has been messed up, when he looks at words they are not the same as they should be, but I would imagine if you give him some cuneiform tablets, he would be able to read it just fine.

-Then there is the problem with Trump and his awkward way of shaking hands. That is just more proof of an alien mentality. He remembers the proper way to shake hands, but his rewired brain just cannot make it happen.

Okay Giorgio, I got the ball rolling, now it is up to you to dig up more evidence!

Happy President’s Day!

*Obviously this is completely made up, so please do not comment about how I am wrong about AAT (and also I apologize to any Sumerian scholars reading this and ashamed at these words, I definitely do not believe any of the AAT nonsense)