Restaurant PSA: Seating is Simple

My last Restaurant PSA was fairly popular, so I thought I would do another one. This time I want to explain how to be seated at a restaurant. I know, this seems like such a simple thing, but you would be shocked at how many people mess it up or screw things up for the entire restaurant.

Generally, restaurants are divided into sections. Each server (okay, I will use the terms I am familiar with: servers (waiters/waitresses) and greeters (host/hostess) has a small grouping of tables (a section is like three to four tables). During slower times, the servers will pick up other sections. The tables in the section are almost always around each other. No dining room is perfect, so there will always be exceptions and tables that seem to be just randomly added to a section.

The greeter up front usually has some kind of seating chart. They will mark off which section was just sat and keep a rotation. For example, it may look like this: you have four sections (1-4)

1
2
3
4

The first party goes to section 1.
1
2
3
4
1

The next party goes to 2.
1
2
3
4
1
2

Then, the next party says they want to sit by that window. Which is section 4. So now it looks like this:
1
2
3
4
1
2
4

The new rotation will go 3-1-2-4…and this keeps going for awhile. This is very simple and pretty easy. So what can go wrong?

Server Overload

If four parties in a row request a certain section/server/area, they can put that server under. The party will then be upset because it took awhile for their server to get to them. Well what did you expect? If the server gets four tables in a row, it will take a second. That is the risk you take when you ignore the rotation. I know what you are thinking “well just have another server pick up a table in that section.” First of all, servers are territorial. They do not like other servers taking tables. But also, how is that fair? That server loses a table because you wanted to sit near that window. That is money out of his/her pocket.

Here is the other problem with that, now that section 1 has no tables, the rotation is now 2-3-4, so those servers may get tables faster than they normally would, so picking up a table in another section could also put them under. If you absolutely insist on requesting a section or a server, then you have to be patient. You put yourself in that position.

Also, if you request a server and that section is full. Guess what? You will have to wait. We are not going to put you in another section and have that server still wait on you. And to be honest, I become a little suspicious when a guest is willing to wait forty minutes for Helen to wait on them. I start checking to see if Helen is hooking people up with free stuff. If you are the type of person who loves when a server does that, just remember, she is stealing from the company she works. It may not seem like a big deal to you since she gave you that free milkshake, but guess what? Her boss will fire her over it. 

The other negative aspect to server overload is that it creates a never-ending loop. If it is really busy and the other three sections fill up, once section one clears out, then it will get sat most likely all at once. You can usually see the look of dread on a server’s face when they see their entire section getting up to leave at the same time. Because now, they have four free tables and no one else has any.

Alright, I think I have beaten the server overload to death. What are some other seating things that can screw everything up.

Dumb People!

You walk into a restaurant. The greeter says “how many?” Or something like that and you respond “um, uh, six of us, I think.” You think? You do not know? If the group sent you in to get a table, you should probably know how many people are joining.

If you have kids in your group, then you have to count them. The best way to state it to the greeter is “Hi, there will be eight of us. Six adults, two kids, one of the kids will need a highchair and one will need a booster seat.”

I know…that sounds pretty easy, right? You would not believe how often someone will come in and say “there are six of us, two kids.” So we grab four adult menus, two kids menus, then go back. Then someone comes up and angrily shouts that the table is not big enough OR that they need more menus and where is the highchair? Be clear with what you need. It makes everything smoother. Also, if the entire party is standing there, do not get upset that we are not counting them all. We do not know who is all with you. I love when someone gets mad when I say “how many?” and they look all around, and dramatically say “well there are twelve of us, duh.” Like I know that they are all your friends.

I need to also mention this. Do not be the funny guy. If you go into a restaurant by yourself, do not look around and say “just me, myself, and I!” or “just me and all my imaginary friends.” We have heard it before, it is never funny. It does not slow anything down, but it does  make us want to punch you in the face for a lame joke.

The other funny guy thing that annoys greeters is when you come up and say “there will be forty-five of us.” And then laugh and say something like “oh man, you should have seen your face, you got scared.” Nope, there was no fear. It was the fact that we have heard that same joke 10000 times. We are quite prepared for a huge party (most of the time). Generally when a huge party comes in like that, we have to explain to them that we do not have a single table that holds forty-five people (you think I am kidding, I am not). Or we have to explain, that we will need to split the group up to adequately serve them. What you think of as fear, is more like anticipation for a conversation that never goes well. For some reason people think a huge group (15+) can just walk into a restaurant and get a single table without having to wait. Or they get mad that it took the server(s) a few minutes to get all of their drinks. We are not scared about a huge party, we are scared that huge parties generally do not know how to handle themselves in a restaurant.

Seating Yourself

Some restaurants have self-seating or at least they have an area (such as the bar or a counter) where you seat yourself. For the most part though, there is a hostess and usually a sign saying that someone will be there to seat you. Please do not disregard that sign and just go sit wherever. First of all, you are screwing up that rotation. Also, you may go to a section that is closed. No one will know you are sitting there and then you will come find the manager and scream about how no one has been over to wait on you.

There is nothing worse than walking up to a table as a server and seeing people sitting there without menus. Especially if the table was still dirty (like all the plates are cleared, but the server is coming back with a towel to wipe it down). The customer will make some comment like “this table is dirty, can you wipe it off? And we need menus and silverware!” Well yeah, you did not follow procedure, you are screwing things up. The greeter would not have sat you at the dirty table. The greeter would have given you a menu. Just be patient.

Conclusion

There is a system in place, if you follow the system, things will go fairly well. If you insist on breaking the system, then be patient. Know how many people are in your group, including kids. Also, if you must make lame jokes (and trust me, I make those lame jokes when I go out to eat), just know that the greeter probably hates you.

Author: Ngewo