My dad would have been 65 years old today. Crazy to think that he would have been thinking about retirement. It is funny to think of Dad as a retiree. Thinking of this made me realize how I perceive him.
When I think of Dad, this is the guy I picture. I mean, not in his underwear smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. What I mean is that I always think of him as that age. Somewhere in his early 40s. I think of all that time we spent together from when I was twelve to eighteen and that was the guy I remember.
The picture up top, that was Dad when I first got my Nintendo back in 1987. I barely remember him being in his early 30s. I look at that picture of him playing Legend of Zelda and remember those days we were trying to beat that game. It is hard to imagine him that young.
In reality, this is what he was like before he passed away. He was more gray than brown. I barely remember him this way. The last few years, our relationship was a bit strained. Without going into much detail, let me just say that we had were not speaking much.
I saw him at Gram’s birthday party not long before he died and it was the first time in months that we spoke. We did not make up or anything, but when I saw him, it was the first time I really noticed that he was getting old. We joked about stuff and started talking about the Pirates, I told him that we should try and go to another game sometime. A few weeks later he was gone.
I think about him all the time. I regret letting the gap between us get too wide. I wish he got a chance to know his grandchildren. Sometimes I wonder what advice he would have for me about being a father. I miss him everyday.
Happy birthday, Dad! I love you.
We all have regrets Josh,so don’t put yourself down too much ,everyone always told me it gets easier with time ,l disagree.