A Bad Day

on his backI had a pretty crappy twelve hours from Sunday night to Monday morning. Nothing horrible like everyone around me catching fire or anything, but just a series of things that made me go “well that sucks.”

First it started at work. I was helping the one lady close the salad bar by carrying large bins of ice. I lifted the one up and went to turn to take it to the back, when I stepped on an extension cord and rolled my ankle. It hurt pretty bad at first, but a few steps and everything seemed to be fine.

Unfortunately, about an hour later while driving home, it started to really bother me. Not a sharp pain or anything, just a constant pinching feeling in my leg. I figured it might swell a little bit and probably keep me from going to the gym Monday morning (oh nooooo!!!!).

I walk inside the house and my lovely wife is asleep on the couch. She does not even move when I sit down and turn on the television. As I started an episode of Daredevil, I grabbed a bag of tortilla chips and salsa. I ate a bunch and when finished I took them back to the kitchen. I felt like there was one stuck in the back of my throat. So, I tried to cough it up. Well the coughing did not help and I started to gag.

At this point I should mention that I am not a huge fan of throwing up. I am guessing many people are not either, but even when I start to vomit, I usually just swallow it back down. Yeah, gross.

I begin to retch trying to get this chip out, like violently dry-heaving. I run to the bathroom assuming I will puke. I keep doing this horrible act until something comes up. The stuff that spews from my mouth is a mixture of salsa and blood. I can only assume that retching that hard must have damaged my esophagus. At this point my throat is swollen to the point that I look like I have no neck.

This entire episode was fairly loud. Lindsey finally wakes up and comes to the bathroom and says “are you okay?” I am trying to talk, but my throat is hoarse and manage to eek out “water.” Then I hear the sound of the ice machine starting and the water from the fridge. Now, I am not one to complain, but when I said water, I really just needed a glass of water. I did not need ice water or filtered, pure water. I was fine with running to the sink and filling a glass. Hell, I half expected my darling wife to cut some lemons for it.

I drink the ice water and stop coughing for a minute. So now here I am, sore ankle, sore throat. I just want to go to bed. I fell asleep fairly fast and the next morning I awoke to Samson wanting to play. He is biting at my hand trying to wake me up. Lindsey is amused by this and saying things like “get him Samson, wake Daddy up!” Well one of these times, he clamps down kind of hard and he must have caught the tendon between my ring and pinky fingers. I could feel it pop and for the next few hours I could barely close my hand.

I actually yelled in pain and Samson jumped away from me. Lindsey thought I was faking (about all of it) and was like “are you ready to go to the gym?” I said no and rolled back over. She continued to pester me and I explained that my ankle hurt, my hand hurt, my throat hurt, and that maybe going to the gym was a bad idea. She then says “okay, well we need to go to the grocery store.” Ummmmmm, what? Do I get to sit in the cart? Do we have one of those cool scooters? Nope, so my ass is stayin’ home.

Anyways, today is Tuesday and everything is healed just fine. I even went to the gym today and made breakfast. Life is back to normal. Although I may never be able to chips & salsa again…just kidding, I love chips & salsa.

Oh and if you are wondering why there is a picture of Samson on his back, well why not? Would you rather me post a picture of myself vomiting up blood and salsa???

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