To be a father…Again

Two years ago I wrote a post about being a father and how I was excited. It is funny as I reread that post, I laugh at some of the things I was expecting and how they never came to fruition. For example…

Am I excited to change poopy diapers? Probably not. Hopefully I can get the kid potty-trained by age two weeks. He/she is going to be a poop prodigy. Am I excited about lack of sleep or a screaming child? Not at all. That definitely sounds horrible. Literally. A screaming child is an awful sound. I have no illusions that our child will be a perfect angel that sleeps all night and never pees in my face (I hear this happens all the time). And yet, I am excited.

Payton is not a poop prodigy. She is fairly normal at pooping. In fact, poopy diapers are not THAT bad. I think once you get past the horrible blowout stage, then poop is easy. I do not miss those times where it would explode out of the diaper and all through her clothes.

I constantly get two questions. I am sure everyone gets these questions when people learn you are expecting another kid (well I am not physically expecting, Lindsey is the one who is pregnant, I am just along for support–emotional, physical, mental, whatever she needs).

1. Are you excited?
2. Are you hoping for a boy?

To the first question, the answer is definitely yes. I think I was pushing for us to have a second kid now more than Lindsey. I mean, we both were ready, and everything that happened was consensual. Lindsey likes the idea of them being close in age. I think that is cool, but not nearly as important as I am getting old. I am going to be 38 when Kid2 is born. I did not want to be 40 and then have a second kid. I do not want to be the 60 year old parent at a high school graduation. People would be mistaking me for Kid2’s grandpa.

When Lindsey was pregnant the first time, I mentioned that I was not afraid or nervous at all. This time though…yeah, I am nervous. Hell, I am a little scared. I worry about whether or not I am capable of giving equal love and affection to both children. Will I have a favorite? People say they do not, but c’mon, we all know that is not true.

I worry about some of the logistical issues of having two kids. What will it be like taking both kids to daycare? Especially early in the morning. Lugging Kid2 in the car seat, while trying to carry a half asleep Payton? The daycare has a ton of steps. How will Lindsey do it? Granted, by the time Lindsey goes back to work, Payton will be well past two years old. She can walk up the steps now, it just takes forever. Maybe by then she will be better at walking up them, without needing our assistance.

I am afraid that we were totally spoiled by Payton. I am not kidding when I say that Lindsey and I never really experienced the horrible sleepless nights like other parents. The first few weeks were a bit of a challenge. Payton would not want to go back to sleep after a bottle, but once we stopped having to wake her up every few hours for a feeding, she slept through the night. Also, Lindsey and I developed a pretty good routine during that time. I have a feeling that Kid2 may not go as smoothly.

In my poll post, I mentioned about twins. I will not lie, that prospect terrified me. Not just from the stuff I already said, but also from a financial perspective. I am nervous that the next year or two will be pretty tight for us. We will not be poor or anything, but Home Goods/TJ Maxx stock may drop during that time. However, twins? That would be hard. First of all, I would need to get a different vehicle. How would I put three kids in car seats into the backseat of a Hyundai Elantra? Secondly, our house is not big enough for five people. It will be cramped around her once Kid2 comes (something tells me that I am going to lose more closet space). Fortunately, we had our ultrasound the other day, and there was only one kid there.

Now to answer the second question: NO!



And yes. Just a little bit.

There are plenty of reasons why it would make more sense to have another girl. First of all, we already have girl stuff. Tons of clothes, toys, etc. We would barely need to buy anything for Kid2. We would probably paint the Navy room and move Payton over there (since it is a bigger room) and keep her room the same color for Kid2.

I think same sex siblings get along better, especially as they get older. My brother and I are best friends. Lindsey and Kayla are best friends. My guy friends who have sisters? They are close, but they never say “oh, she is my best friend.” And vice versa. Maybe I am wrong, maybe there have been studies done on this. I do not know, I am going off a gut feeling.

And yet, there is a small part of me that hopes we have a boy. That part of me that is still some sexist, feudal idiot who thinks you must have a male heir.

It is weird because, I have no problem thinking about doing all the stuff I like with Payton, if she wants to try them. Golfing, baseball, comics, etc. So does it matter if I have a boy? What if he does not want to do any of that stuff? What if he likes playing the clarinet? I will support either kid in whatever they want to do…except soccer. Sorry kids, if you want to play soccer, that is cool, but do not expect me to come to games. Or matches. Or whatever they are called. I will not be spending my time out on the pitch.

I try to deny it, but there is some small part of me that hopes we have a boy. I cannot explain it.